My previous post has created quite a stir. Haha. But like I said, it’s only a comment. So please don't get the wrong idea or whatsoever. And I’m not disclosing the “somebody” name until I think that the time is ripe. Haha.

Lessons are boring as usual. Haha. After lecture at about 4pm, I went to library. Over there, I saw Jerene, Shiyuan and Cheryl. Haha. Chatted with them for a while and after that went to meet my sis, Chiafong and Jian Zhi at level 6. Haha. I saw somebody at the study table too :) Library is really a nice place to study but instead of doing something more productive, we ended up talking and wasting our time. Left at about 4:45pm. Home sweet home.

Weekend is coming. I’m planning to start studying for my mid-sem already. Haiz. No time to enjoy.



I talked to “somebody” today.



When will we contact again?



Sudden urge to blog today. No idea why.

School’s workload is increasing. Mid-sem tests are coming in less than 2 weeks’ time. And I have yet to revise them. My aim is to score at least a B for all subjects, no D please! Oh man, my first paper is on next Saturday! The rest of the subjects are stated below. Haiz.. FOI is really a killer. Furthermore, there will be a mock test tomorrow which I have yet to finish studying it. All my lecture notes look so alien to me, I guess I have to re-study them all over again to refresh my memory. My notes are so theoretical, so wordy. Everything seems so “chim” to me. Have I really chosen the wrong elective? I have asked myself countless times since week 1. If only i'm smart, I will have won half the battle already.

Consumer Banking (BAF3006): 10 Dec 07 (Mon), 11:00 - 12:00
Fundamentals of Investment (BAF2006): 12 Dec 07 (Wed), 13:00 - 14:00
International Finance (BAF2007): 14 Dec 07 (Fri), 11:00 - 12:00

Oh.. Just a comment here. Somebody’s smile really melts my heart. A cute dimple over at the cheeks. Haha. I have been observing it for quite some time already. Although the “somebody” won’t be reading this, I feel better to say it out. Haha. Anyway, I have told no one about this also.


Again, it reminds me of the past. People are still asking me that question over and over again. It’s not that I don’t dare to face it. Maybe I’m just like a tortoise, with a hard shell over its head, still hiding underneath, yet to crawl out.

Time heals all wounds. Just exactly how true is that?

I just wish that there can be someone there for me when I needed company. I need a backbone to fall back on, to rely on. But I know that it’s not possible. I have to be independent and accept life the hard way. Reality still has to set in.

Loneliness.

Haha. I’m not trying to be emo here. So don’t worry.



G Ptgjl jmtd wmt..








I’m finally here to update after 1 week. Haha. Okay, my computer has been down recently. That’s why I’m unable to come online and update. Haha. Days without a computer is so @#$%^&*. Haha. Oh, and I have a confession to make! I did not do my Comm Skills online for last week. Not that I have forgotten about it. Haha. But anyway, it’s just for attendance so I think it’s okay if I did not do for 1 week.

Been feeling rather low these few days. Perhaps I really think too much. Yes, I am someone who thinks a lot. I guess I can’t be alone, or else I will think too much and sooner or later I will become crazy. Haha. Lots of things happened during the past 1 week. But I don’t wish to say it here, not worth remembering it anyway.

My grandma is hospitalized. Her condition is rather serious. Haiz. Life and death issue again. I don’t wish for the worst outcome. I’m already feeling very vexed nowadays. So, pray… This weekend, my family and I will be going back to Malaysia to visit her. It's gonna be a short weekend.

Talk about the happier things. Yesterday went to Tampines Courts Megastore to buy a new PC! :) Yeah, I can have access to internet again. Haha. And I actually went out with the group again. Except for this time round, Alex is not present. Haha. But quite surprise to receive his phone call and he said outing next week? Haha. As suggested by Jaime, we have given ourselves a name called ABCJ3M (Alex, Bee Yean, Chiafong, Jaime, Jian Zhi, Joel, Mei Peng). Nice? Haha. And to my year 1 lunch gang, what’s our group name? Haha. 1 year plus already and we still have yet to give ourselves a name. And one more thing before I forget, Kimberly still kept the candy which Jannah gave it her several weeks ago. Haha. I promise Kimberly that I will say out in my blog to let Jannah know.

Today, my class has a simulated role play on interview. Haha. I was like the first few to be interviewed and I think I really talk rubbish. Nonetheless, I must learn how to “sell” myself in order to get the desired position in future. Haha. First time to have a "formal" interview too and it’s in front of the whole class. Imagine, 25 pairs of eyes looking at you! I was like, oh my god. International Finance tutorial was next and it’s pretty short. This tutorial can just end in one hour cause the questions are so straightforward. Haha.




Please, get out of your dreamland and face reality! Stop dreaming. Maybe you will need a cold bucket of water to be splashed onto you.

Do you still care about me?

So how do I spent Deepavali today? Haha. Shall share with you here. Well, I went out with a different clique of people this time round. Wonderful peeps include Jian Zhi, Alex, Joelle, Jaime, my sis and not forgetting the birthday girl, Chia Fong! Happy 19th Birthday! Haha.. At first I was thinking if it will be awkward if I actually went out with a different group of people. But no.. It turns out well. We just talked like nobody's business. And they are all sociable and nice people :) At the same time, I wanted to stay away from books too. Haha.

Went cycling with them at East Coast. I simply love today. It's like all my troubles, my worries are all gone just like that. Today, East Coast Park is extremely crowded. I cycled and cycled, enjoying the breeze, the nice scenery, and I'm always on the lead (cause I cycled too fast) and the rest can't catch up with me, except for Alex. He tried to cycle alongside with me. Haha. Okay, I shall talk about these 2 new friends I made today.

Jian Zhi: When I first see him, he gives me the feeling that he's like my cousin who is of same age as me. Except for the fact that he's a year younger than me. Although I know him for only one day, I think that he makes a good soulmate. Someone who isn't selfish at all and whom you can talk to. Haha. Oh.. And I owe him a drink! That's a deal between me and him. But one thing I discovered about him is that he don't trust people easily. So he actually values the promise that his friends made to him.

Alex: First impression of him is that he is good looking (not saying I like him) and tanned. Haha. And he said that I don't look like a poly student, I look like a 16 years old girl. Duh. I will take it as a compliment. Haha. Surprising, he told Jaime that he likes my hair. Haha! It t**** *** **. Haha. Well, too bad I did not feel touched. Not now. Whatever. I know that the person I'm talking about won't be reading this. Haha.

Sad to say, I never hear that sentence from you before.

Haha. Okay, so we cycled all the way to the jetty. Cycled until about 6pm, and decided to go to Kar Chun's BBQ. At first not planning to go, cause it will be too overcrowded for 7 of us to join in. But when we reached there, we stayed on. Precisely because we made friends and some more all of them are TP students, some from MJR too. Church people are all so sociable :) Not saying I'm anti-social here. Haha. Then a coincident is that I get to know this senior of mine who is also in B & F. He is Tze Shuen's classmate. Haha. Again a conversation strikes out between both of us.

Haha. Left East Coast at 9 plus. We decided not to stay till too late cause tomorrow still got to wake up early for school. Haha. And at first I wanted to do my online discussion for comm skills. But didn't do in the end. Feeling a bit guilty now cause I spent the day outside. Haha. Nevermind, I will do it tomorrow.

Alright. Shall get ready to go to sleep..



“What if I have not met you then?”


This sentence actually gives me that kind of feeling that you do not want to meet me in the first place. When in actual fact that I have heard it several times, be it over the phone, in writing etc, from you after we have broken up.


Would life be different for you and for me if we did not meet each other?

If I wasn’t having my holidays then, I would not have gone to Hyatt and work.

If I did not go to Hyatt and work, you will not meet me.

If I never talk to you, I will never have discovered that the way you talk is different from the rest.

If I never agree to go out with you on that day for the belated birthday dinner, things will be different.

If I am not so stubborn, I won’t be here typing this.


The opposite:

If you did not agree to help out after you quit Hyatt, you will not meet me.

If you did not tell George about your feelings for me, he won’t be the cupid.

If you did not let him take your phone to sms me, you won’t know that the feeling is mutual.

If you did not sms me, you would not have made my day.

If you did not ask me out, things will be the same.


So, is it that you really do not want to meet me at all? What if you did not tell your parent about us?





Whatever. Nobody reads anyway.

Tomorrow is Saturday and it’s weekend again! Haha. But it means that I have stuff to do. Here goes the list:

1. Different types of Resume (I’m halfway done)
2. Compile all the various parts of the resume after my group mates sent me
3. Online discussion for Comm Skills
4. FOI tutorial
5. Consumer Banking tutorial
6. PFP tutorial
7. International Finance tutorial
8. STUDY!!

Now I must make it a point to complete my tutorials every weekend. Instead of doing it one day before my tutorial. Haha. One more thing, projects are coming one by one. And they are madness~. Arghhh.. I hate projects cause they are so time-consuming!

I reached school at about 10:30am cause I wanted to print some articles from Factiva. After that, I decided to go visit his blog. I actually wanted to see if the unknown guest who is visiting your blog got reply anot. To my dismay, he or she actually said "then i wish you luck in whatever you do to get her baack(: BYE". I was like... OMG. What will his reply be?!!!! If only..... Aiyah, nevermind, maybe I really think too much cause I jolly well know that it's not possible. Then I was thinking, could the message be from one of the part-timers in Hyatt? But from what I know, not many people know about his blog (except for me, kimberly and maybe amy). Or maybe it could be one of his friends bah. Haha.

I don't know why when I see the message which the unknown guest posted, I just feel like crying. He’s still on my mind. I STILL LOVE YOU. DO YOU KNOW THAT? HOW ABOUT YOU? Will fate really allows us to meet again after you graduate (or I should say ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ only)? Maybe things will be different then, or maybe another girl will have already stepped into your life. I don’t know. And another thing, I know that your vacation is coming. Will you ask me out AGAIN? I know you going back Indonesia. But... Well…..

And yesterday when Waty called me and asked if I’m feeling better, I said yes. However, in actual fact, I’m not. Her intention of calling me yesterday was to ask if I’m free to help out during Christmas. I just happily agreed though I know that my family and I will be going back to Malaysia in December cause my grandma is ill. I heard from Waty that he’s going back as well. Well, I really hope to see him, frankly speaking. But it will be a totally different scenario then. Will we still talk like before? My heart really aches when I think about that.
I cry alone at night. Without anyone else knowing.

I tell myself that I will have to start studying now before it's too late. Cause all the subjects that I'm taking this sem is very theoretical, very heavy. Really have to start now. Haha. But why am I here blogging?